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Final Boss

Final Boss

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Captain Mansplain awoke, not for the first time, in Feminista’s secret island lair. Only this time, he was tied to a post that was hanging from the ceiling in a large room, completely unable to move. His mouth was shut with duct tape, and he could tell that the side of his face was bruised and aching. The metal floor felt hot beneath his feet, and it appeared that the floor could slide apart, like so many evil villain’s lair floors are wont to do. (Who makes slidable floors? He wondered to himself. Is that a good business to get into? Maybe I should try that. I wonder if I could wear a cape on the job?) He would have expressed his thoughts aloud, and indeed he was trying to, but the duct tape made it impossible to talk, so he was mostly chewing on it.

Feminista and Miss Ann Dree walked into the room. As the captain chewed viciously on the duct tape, thinking maybe they could hear him better if he just yelled/chewed harder, they just started laughing at him.

“No time for monologuing, Captain,” Miss Ann said.

“Correct. It’s time for you to die,” Feminista said. “You see, I planned out a long, elaborate death for you, involving this room with the movable floor, which naturally has a large fire burning underneath. My plan had been to tie you to this post, let some rabid ferrets attack you for a while, then slowly roast you over the floor fire. But, as always, the best laid plans of mice and men…”

“Often involve cheese?” Captain Mansplain tried to say, succeeding only in getting his tongue officially stuck to the duct tape.

“Basically, I’ve had a slight change of heart,” Feminista continued. “Mansplainers are never a real threat to us, and you are hardly a superhero, and not worth the time. Instead, Miss Ann Dree and I are going to read from bell hooks’ book, Feminism is for Everybody, to you over our loudspeaker until you can let yourself down. You’re only about a foot off the ground, and your hands aren’t even bound tightly. You’ve broken in and let yourself out of this lair before; the exits are clearly lit along the way out for you. I’m sure we’ll see you soon.” And they turned and walked out of the room.

Captain Mansplain started to scream through the duct tape. He’d rather be ravaged by rabid ferrets than listen to feminist theory for one minute. This was a fate worse than death, surely. Were his hands really not tightly bound? Over the loudspeaker, he heard, “Feminism is for Everybody, by bell hooks,” and promptly passed out.

Scent notes: Intense ambergris, freshly ground cardamom pods, molten honey, cocoa absolute, benzoin tree resin. (Note: if you get this scent as a perfume oil, some separation may occur; that’s perfectly natural!)