It's official: There's a bounty out on Squeaky, member of the notoriously haphazard band of criminals known as the Suc Gang. Also known by xyr other alias, Large Mouth. Seen repeatedly on security cameras of the local gas station stealing Slurpees by putting xyr mouth directly under the nozzle, and filling xyr gullet to maximum capacity. Sometimes wearing a fake mustache, beard, and/or wig of varying believability, or a novelty baseball hat. Also caught on camera several steps away having massive brain freeze EVERY TIME.

No, Squeaky, just because there’s no sign explicitly stating that you need to buy a cup and purchase the Slurpee doesn’t mean this isn’t a crime. Plus, it’s just unhygienic and kind of stupid. We’re offering a reward of $25 leading to xyr whereabouts, although we’re fairly certain Squeaky will be back at that gas station again once the most recent brain freeze has worn off. Either that or Squeaky will be desperate enough to come in to claim the $25 reward. However it happens is fine, as long as we can get that big mouth off the streets and off the Slurpee machines.

Scent Notes: So much blueberry (like Violet Beauregard levels of blueberry), freshly squeezed lemon, fancy vanilla, a little bear jar of honey. Squeaky requested Snozberry, but that’s not a thing. Basically it smells like a blue Slurpee, but a really expensive, delicious blue Slurpee you’d have to pay a lot of money for (no more stealing!).