Well what have we here? A seeker, searching for answers, hoping to find what they’re looking for in this side alley; drawn in by the scents wafting from the caravan, and my calling to the open air: “Come one, come all! Are you in the market for cures to your ailments? Do you need a magical all-in-one treatment? Look no more!” Yes, indeed, we have just what you need. No matter what you’re trying to fix, Dr. Fantastic has the cure! Come, come, it’s a new year, we know you have goals and dreams. We can help you achieve everything your heart desires. Take a sniff of this, no, try this; heck, try them all! We’ve got five amazing options to choose from, guaranteed to cure every ailment, ache, pain, or household cleaning problem you’ve got. Nothing is too tough for Dr. Fantastic!

Serpent's Brew

Cures warts, headaches, blisters, popcorn lung, cysts, bloody noses, unruly children, dirty floors, grease burns, hangnails, split ends, cottonmouth, dry skin, toothache, and swollen tonsils instantaneously!

Scent notes: fresh bamboo, sweet yuzu, an old, dusty library, exotic spices from Zanzibar, smoky nag champa, ylang ylang.

All-Natural Magical Health Restorative

Relieves athlete’s foot, intense body odor, migraines, tendinitis, sinusitis, osteoarthritis, conjunctivitis, perichondritis, bowel upset, and hairballs (in cats and humans alike!).

Scent notes: white musk, rosemary, fresh-picked lavender, pine needles, cedarwood, bay laurel.

Majestic Miracle Tonic

For treatment of consumption, the spins, addiction, cholera, food poisoning, mother-in-laws, chicken pox, pneumonia, scarlet fever, yellow fever, and typhoid fever. Also works as a Love Potion and bathroom cleaner!

Scent notes: three types of sage: blackberry, dalmatian, and juniper, cactus flower, high octane gasoline, musty white musk.

World-Renowned Panacea

Fast-acting for even the toughest of problems: gout, diabetes, Alzheimer's, impetigo, lethargy, arthritis, low cholesterol, high cholesterol, no cholesterol, pink eye, side-eye, dry eye, UTI, and chicken that won’t fry!

Scent notes: real Kentucky bourbon, bay rum, pipe tobacco, bay leaf, Turkish mocha, lumps of coal.

Dr. Fantastic’s Perfect Solution

The cure to everything else, the mixture you just can’t live without, the one that relieves blindness, dementia, malaria, amputation, hearing loss, leprosy, heart attack, perhaps even death itself. It’s just that powerful!

Scent notes: a bottle of delicious merlot, freshly squeezed lime, a clover field, aloe, metallic copper, stormy midnight ocean water.