“Totally Normal Human Party!” said the sign hanging over the front door of the house. Claudius had snuck out and hung it up while his roommates were otherwise occupied, or they would have immediately torn it down. Inside, vampires were mingling, and some were quite literally hanging out in groups from the ceiling. Claudius was nervous; he wasn’t allowed to touch the music, and he wasn’t sure what to do with his hands or whom to talk to. He was anxiously awaiting the arrival of the virgin Louisa had promised him. He hadn’t fed for a week, he was so excited. This made him look quite pale, even for a vampire, and Sylvia came over with a cup of the synthetic blood. “Dude, you look freaky, even to me. Fortify yourself. Just a couple sips so you don’t pass out later, okay?” Claudius scoffed, but took a few sips because the last thing he wanted to do was scare the virgin. He coughed, choking it down. “Damn, that is so gross. Just drink real blood, people!” Sylvia rolled her eyes and walked away.
Suddenly, all the vampires turned their heads towards the front door, sensing the virgin blood. Louisa walked in with a nervous-looking girl on her arm. She looked older than Claudius had expected, and to his utter surprise, she was wearing a Nickelback t-shirt. Her glasses were a bit too wide for her narrow face, her hair looked slightly greasy and limp, and she was so pale she looked almost vampiric herself. Claudius was enchanted, and strode right over to her. “Hello, dearest one. You are Louisa’s vir-, uh, very good friend?” Louisa rolled her eyes. “Good catch. This is Amanda. We met at the library, as we both checked out those vampires full of sparkle books at the same time. I thought you might get along.”
“Hi,” Amanda said, quietly.
“My darling! Let us converse. Do you like goblets? You look like a woman who should be drunk from, uh, drinking from a goblet.” He put his arm around her shoulder and steered her toward his bedroom. Louisa walked over to where Sylvia and Giorgio were talking.
“First of all,” she interrupted, “Claudius put a big stupid sign over the front door we have to take down. Second, I feel kind of bad; Amanda has terrible taste, but she’s nice enough. And we are still hearing shitty music all the time, just of a different type.”
Sylvia and Giorgio shrugged. “True,” said Sylvia, “but at least all of this will be over soon.” She set down her red plastic cup and clapped her hands. “Okay everyone, you know what time it is!”
“Vampire orgy?!” yelled Damien from the corner.
“No, Damien. Not every party turns into an orgy. And put your shirt back on, you absolute scoundrel!” Giorgio answered.
“Actually, I was going to announce a vampire orgy if anyone was interested,” Sylvia said, “But we could all play Charades instead?”
As the other vampires debated playing Charades or having an orgy, Amanda was inspecting Claudius’s room. “Wow, you like Nickelback, too?” she asked in amazement.
“Yeah, they’re my new favorite band!” he said. “I just discovered them recently. I have all their compact discs now.”
Amanda giggled. “You know you can play music online, right? Do you have a Spotify? I could share some playlists with you.”
“Spot who now?” Claudius asked. “I don’t know him.” Amanda started laughing and tried to walk towards him, but her eyes were closed and she tripped on an empty goblet.
“Ow! What the fuck? Why are there so many goblets all over your floor?” she asked. Before Claudius could answer, she shrugged him off. “Whatever, give me your computer.”
Claudius pointed to the desk in the far corner, which had a twenty-year-old Sony Vaio sitting on it.
“WHAT?!?” Amanda yelled. “Oh honey, oh no. It’s okay. I’m going to help you. Put on some Nickelback. It’s going to be okay.” She gently stroked his cheek.
The next night, Sylvia, Giorgio, and Louisa were sitting around the table, drinking their synthetic blood for breakfast. Claudius strode in triumphantly. “Good morning!” he boomed, and sat down at the table.
“Wow, you look amazing. Fresh virgin blood did all that for you?” Giorgio asked, mystified.
“I did hear some screaming; she must have put up quite the fight! Looks like you won in the end,” Sylvia said.
“Well… uh, about that…” Claudius trailed off. They all heard footsteps go from Claudius’s room to the bathroom. Louisa turned translucent. “You didn’t turn her, did you?!”
“No! Well, uh, not yet. I wouldn’t do that without consulting you. But she’s amazing! She laughs at my jokes! She’s beautiful! She’s helping me learn technology and she kind of figured out that I’m a vampire and now she’s not a virgin and can I just have a cup of the synthetic stuff and you can all just shut up now?” The other three had started laughing as he spoke about Amanda, and just then, she walked into the kitchen.
“I knew you were weird, Louisa! I knew it! I’m so happy; I LOVE vampires! I hope to be one of you someday. This is so cool! Is that blood? Holy shit you’re drinking blood can I try some? Do you guys listen to Nickelback too?”
Amanda carried on, plopping herself down in Claudius’s lap. He looked smitten, and just stared at her adoringly. Sylvia sent a psychic message to Louisa and Giorgio. “So this is what hell feels like, huh?” The three of them put their heads down on the table and cried, as Amanda and Claudius started making out without a care in the world.
Scent Notes: A spicy, beguiling blend of Egyptian musk, elemi, cassia, myrrh, cardamom, and bitter accord. And blood.