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Today is your birthday. It is a statement of fact. Many other people were born today, but we are focusing on you, because you are the one we know. Congratulations for making it another year on this planet. Everyone has a birthday; it isn’t a special thing, but we are pretending yours is even though it is something literally everyone else on Earth has. Please enjoy the barely inflated balloons that match the color of the carpeting. There will be no presents. Enough sentimentality; let us keep being professional.

Scent notes: A super rich German chocolate cake

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