Be on the lookout for Beth “the Shark,” new member of the notoriously awful Suc Gang. She’s a public nuisance, particularly at the beach or any large body of water. Every time she leaves the ocean (or pool, or pond, or what have you), she screams, “MUTINYYYYYYYYY!” and charges at the person closest to her to try and tackle them. The Shark seems to think that any act of aggression against a random person, so long as it occurs near water, is a mutiny, which … is a very incorrect assessment. While she has yet to seriously hurt anyone, we’re asking the public to report any sightings of the Suc Gang near bodies of water, or large puddles, or even water balloon fights. You can usually hear their arrival, as it’s often preceded by Gunslinger screaming if anyone wants to take a look at her arm guns while half the Suc Gang is being pushed in a stolen shopping cart. They’re pretty easy to spot, especially on a beach. Have you ever tried to push a shopping cart full of adults on top of sand? It doesn’t work very well. Let us know immediately if you spot the Shark or any other member of the Suc Gang.
Scent Notes: A seaside quay on a windy day. Kelp, moss, and a hint of lime mingle with tobacco bay leaves. The metal of old boats and a hint of gunpowder linger on the salty breeze.