Sucreabeille

No Capes

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RETIRED: This product has been discontinued.

This product is no longer available, but you can view our fresh house fragrances to find something you'll love.

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Scent notes: Cedar logs burning in the great outdoors, smoky patchouli, Balsam of Peru (fancy, we know), a lavender grove on a perfect spring day, a sprinkle of anise.

Captain Mansplain found himself, once again, in a large room in Feminista’s evil hideout. The room was empty except for a large compressed air pipe about midway up the wall behind him. He suspected cameras must be mounted somewhere in the ceiling, although he didn’t see any.

Facing him was Feminista’s co-villain/life partner, Miss Ann Dree. He was about to go into his usual speech about how he’s morally opposed to gay people but you know, two chicks together is pretty hot, but Miss Ann Dree didn’t let him get a word out before she slapped him across the face. He took a step back, flabbergasted.

“I might not be able to read minds, Captain Mansplain, but I could just tell by the look on your face you were about to talk about how hot it is that Feminista and I are a couple, so don’t start.”

For once, Captain Mansplain didn’t have anything to stay. He just stood and stared at Miss Ann Dree for a moment.

Ann, for her part, took the moment to assess her opponent. His blue jumpsuit was too big everywhere except his midsection, where it was noticeably strained. His normal fedora had fallen off ages ago, but his blue satin cape embroidered with his initials CM and his catchphrase of “Well, Actually…” was tied around his neck. It was pretty obvious just from looking at the two of them who was the more competent and athletic of the two of them. Her leather and spandex outfit was not revealing, merely sexy, but she made sure her well-toned arms were always on display. She’d worked hard for these guns. And she would never wear a cape. She knew better.

All of Ann’s assessing took about 2 seconds, and she smiled at Captain Mansplain.

“Come on, big boy. Let’s fight.”

Now it was his turn to grin.

“Oh, I really don’t think you want that, Miss Ann. You see, I know karate. I never had formal training, but I taught myself, and I’m very good.”

Ann burst into a laugh so loud the air pipe reverberated the sound.

“I HAVE to see this; please, do me the honor of fighting me, a humble villainess who merely studied Krav Maga for 15 years and does Crossfit six times a week.” She batted her eyes, then roundhouse kicked him in the face.

Captain Mansplain yelled, and fell onto his back. Miss Ann Dree stood over him, still laughing.

“You will regret that decision, Miss Ann. Hiiii-yah!”

Captain Mansplain leapt to his feet. Well, more like gingerly sat up, bent his knees, fell forward, and eventually struggled back upright, slipping on his cape often. Huffing and puffing, he let out another high-pitched “Hiya!” while starting a series of complex arm movements that seemed to focus mainly on jutting his elbows in her general direction.

Ann couldn’t take her eyes off him. “What in the HELL are you DOING?”

“Karate, Miss Ann Dree!” he yelled while walking backwards and punching at the air emphatically. “Kah-rah-tay!” He was almost at the back wall, and was now throwing in a random kick to go with the punches and elbow jerks. As he readied himself to to run forward and deliver a rotating roundhouse kick to her head, he tripped on his cape and started to fall backwards yet again. Except this time his cape got caught in the air pipe, and sucked him up off his feet so that he was hanging a few inches off the floor, and would slowly choke to death.

Miss Ann Dree was in danger of choking to death, too, from laughter. “Oh my god, I wish there were cameras in here, I want everyone to see this! Hold on, hold on, I have to go, oh this is too fucking funny.”

She burst out of the room shrieking, and was back a few moments later with Feminista, Rhonda, and a few other ladies he didn’t recognize. They all saw him dangling there, and every single one started laughing so hard she couldn’t breathe. Tears streamed down their faces; a few fell down on the floor.

“How the shit did he DO that?!”

“Didn’t we turn that pipe off so we’d stop sucking people up it?”

“Yes; it was far too messy. How is he UP there?”

Captain Mansplain, for his part, survived on very little oxygen flow to his brain under normal circumstances, so the whole slowly-choking-to-death thing didn’t bother him as much as the laughter.

“Could you all please stop laughing?” he coughed out at them.

“Yeah, no, sorry bud, we all have to leave now. Have fun … hanging out.”

And with that, they all burst into fresh peals of laughter and walked out of the room, leaving Captain Mansplain hanging.


Scent notes: Cedar logs burning in the great outdoors, smoky patchouli, Balsam of Peru (fancy, we know), a lavender grove on a perfect spring day, a sprinkle of anise.

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Sucreabeille is a vegan, cruelty free brand. We do our very best to keep updated with our suppliers to keep our commitment to just generally being ethical people, but if you ever see something that needs addressing, we'd love to hear from you!

Andrea Fender, Queen Bee

 

Andrea started making lotions and potions in 2014, and is committed to high-quality products that are handmade. After running her own shop, she happily took over Sucreabeille in April of 2018 and absolutely loves it. Follow her on IG @shopsucreabeille, and join our community on Facebook at facebook.com/groups/sucreabeille

 

 

 

Nicole Antoinette Moore, Scribe Bee

 


 

Nicole lives in Colorado and works during the day at a small publishing house. She's our social beedia expert, and she loves books, coffee, sushi, and her cat, Gomez. Feel free to follow her on IG at @atorsoboat

 

 

Amy Marie, Bee-Casso

Amy owns Journey West Design, and is responsible for all of the great art on the site. She designed Sucreabeille’s logo and labels, and continues to be an amazing support every day! You can find her at https://www.facebook.com/MMBespokedesign


Didn’t love a scent? Not a fan of that body product? Not a problem, as we here at Sucreabeille have an Extremely Generous Return Policy!

We’re committed to making the returns process simple and easy for you.

But first, a few things to note:

We really encourage you to wait to make a return until at least two weeks after the receipt of your order. Why? As indie perfume makers, we don’t use stabilizers in our blends like mass perfume manufacturers. That means that your scents might undergo the perfume equivalent of bottle shock in transportation, due to extreme fluctuations in temperature, aggressive package handling (tee hee), etc.

You can absolutely sniff your scents when they first arrive, but note that a resting period of at least a few days can make a world of difference in how a scent smells.

Store them in a cool, dry place for a little while and see how they can change. But, if you don't want to wait that long, we understand!

Returns must be initiated within 60 days of purchase.

There must be at least 75% of the product left in the container for us to accept the return.

If you don’t love a scent but would rather rehome it than return it, or swap it for something you know you love, we have an awesome swap/sell thread on our Facebook group (and it’s for all indie perfume companies, not just Suc). You can join our group here (https://facebook.com/groups/sucreabeille) and then search for “swap/sell” within the group. We post a new swap thread each month, sometimes two!

Sucreabeille reserves the right to limit returns if we have reason to suspect misuse of our Extremely Generous Return Policy (such as, but not limited to, excessive returns, reseller activity, or fraud).Items from the Indie Marketplace are eligible for return.

Items purchased from other retailers, dealers, or resellers and not directly from Sucreabeille are not eligible for return, refund, or exchange.

If you used Sugar Points on your original purchase, we will not be able to refund those to your account. Instead, we will give you a shop credit. (It's basically the same thing, it just won't be found under your Sugar Points.).Here's how it works: Send us an email with a note about what you’d like to return, and we’ll send you a shipping label. Send back the product according to the terms above. Once we receive it and make sure it’s eligible, we’ll issue you a shop credit or a refund to your original form of payment in the amount of the product plus your original shipping charge. We must receive the product before we can issue your credit or refund.

If you need help, send an email to shopsucreabeille@gmail.com. We’re happy to answer any questions you may have!

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