Dr. Fantastic's Perfect Solution

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RETIRED: This product has been discontinued.

This product is no longer available, but you can view our fresh house fragrances to find something you'll love.

  • Scent Notes
    A bottle of delicious merlot, freshly squeezed lime, a clover field, copper, stormy ocean water.
  • Description
      Disclaimer: These are fictional stories for a real line of scents, based on the sales tactics of years ago, when products claimed to do everything imaginable. None of our scents are anything but that: scents. They do not, in any way, do anything other than smell good. So please do not try to drink them or think that they are actually miracle cures. They're just perfume! You’re scrolling your social media for the five billionth time today, searching for an article, or a listicle, or a show recommendation, or anything at all actually interesting and worth your time. You switch tabs to a different social media site, looking for the same. Several shopping websites are also open. It’s Friday night, you’re stuck at home, you’re bored and making your way through a bag of chips and a bar of fancy chocolate. You’ve had half a bottle of merlot and you’re on the verge of stalking your ex’s ex’s ex’s stepsister for the hell of it, when an ad catches your eye. Dr. Fantastic’s Wonderment Emporium is advertising something called their Perfect Solution! “Guaranteed to cure what ails you. Our Perfect Solution is the mixture you just can’t live without. It relieves stress, cures depression, alleviates anxiety. It’s been shown to help protect against disease, heart attacks, fungal infections, bad poetry, frozen meals for singles, and rickets!” Well, that’s absolutely impossible, you think to yourself, and swig back some more merlot. A half hour later, still caught up in the doomscrolling, the ad comes back. This time, you find yourself a little more interested. This ad also says it can be worn as a perfume, and that it can help with dandruff and low sex drive. You polish off the merlot, click on the add, and buy three bottles. You’ll forget about them until, miraculously, they show up on your doorstep three and a half weeks later. (Shipping has just been a bitch lately.) Is this it? Has your perfect solution finally, magically arrived? Probably not, but on the plus side, it smells amazing.

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