Tears of My Enemies

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RETIRED: This product has been discontinued.

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  • Scent Notes
    Salt water and greenery, tendrils of smoke wafting overhead hint at a slight note of metal in the air.
  • Description
      “Forward, go!” Barbardia shouted to her brigade. They advanced as one line, screaming, attacking their rivals with a surprising amount of vigor, considering how long they’d spent traveling to get to this point. They were all hungry, thirsty, exhausted, but willing to die in the name of Barbardia. Society had long since collapsed, and Barbardia was the great granddaughter of the first brigade leader who managed to keep groups of clans together to survive in the harsh climate of sand and sun that had taken over most of the planet. Water was a precious resource, and Barbardia’s brigade was renowned for their ability to keep her people fed, housed, and hydrated. They had formed their own society, albeit one that was a bit rough and tumble, but her people were safe, and that’s what mattered. Barbardia herself was known as a great beauty, though not in a traditional sense. She was pure muscle from her chin to her toes. Her skin was always perfectly clear, and people joked that her blonde hair was so shiny and pure that it reflected the sun, so her brigade could always find her. Of course, this also made it easier for her enemies to spot her, but this was hardly a concern to her. She had no fear of other warriors, for she was the strongest of them all. Naturally, her second in command, Xylon, was by her side. He was the one responsible for her haircare and skincare routines, and he happened to be a gigantic pile of scary-looking muscle himself. He was big, loud, and fabulous, and just as respected as Barbardia. Which was good, because if anybody crossed either one of them, the other was there to enact swift vengeance. Xylon was also the descendant of one of the greatest warriors, who just so happened to be skilled in haircare, and taught everything he knew to his son, who taught those skills to his daughter, etc., until they reached Xylon. They were destined to be friends and warriors long before either one was born. Today, she charged forward with her best combatants, Xylon by her side, as they all surprised a band of outlaws they’d found in their travels. They were on a mission for water, food, and supplies, and these unlucky outlaws just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Screaming and taking everyone by surprise, Barbardia and her crew advanced. In short order, the outlaws were rounded up in the middle of their encampment, begging and pleading for their lives. Barbardia herself had wrapped them all up thoroughly with rope, forming a giant bandit bundle. Barbardia had a few of her brigade collect the tears of their enemies in jars, not allowing a drop to be wasted. One of them cried out, “Why are you doing this to us? Are you going to kill us? Why would you save our tears, you crazy barbarian bitch?!” The rest of the brigade became a chorus of “Oohs!” “Oh no he did NOT say that,” Xylon cried out, as Barbardia just laughed. “We have a moral code in my brigade, which you are all now part of,” she answered calmly. “We will desalinate your tears and use them for drinking water back in our city. We keep our people fed and hydrated. It’s also an overly elaborate and ritualistic tear collection to signify your absorption into your new collective, aka, you are now part of our group and your tears being drunk by everyone forms a bond. You get it.” She waved a hand dismissively. Xylon stepped ahead of Barbardia and butted in. “But I’ll be saving some for Barbardia’s hair. Salt water is fantastic for your hair, you know. It is an excellent exfoliator and also stimulates blood flow in the scalp. This ensures that more nutrients get to the hair follicles, which results in healthier hair. Salt has anti-fungal properties and helps get rid of fungus-induced dandruff by reducing moisture. You don’t think her hair just looks this good on its own, do you? I WORK on her hair like I work on this body, thank you.” He reached out and flicked her long blonde locks, eliciting a swirl of “You go girl,” and “Killin’ it, your eminence,” from the brigade, and even a few of their newly captured members. Barbardia gently placed a hand on Xylon’s shoulder and nudged him back a foot. “Okay, thank you for that, but I’m trying to set some expectations, okay? We can do my hair later.” Xylon nodded and shot the manwho had mouthed off a long look. “Honey, I’ll be watching you closely,” he said as he strode off. Barbardia caught the man checking out Xylon for a moment before turning his head down to the ground, his cheeks reddened. That night, they feasted in celebration and ate and drank around a gigantic bonfire. The following morning, they began the trek back home.

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